This page offers resources and information for parents and caregivers, including downloadable resources, an activity guide to plan a parent engagement event, and tips to recognize and respond to emotional distress a child might be experiencing.
Here is what young people wish their parents knew about what it is like to be a young person today, mental health, suicide prevention, and how to support them (without judgement).
Most parents tell their children that they should not be sad about anything, because everything at home is okay; and even when they tell them about something outside the home, they still say that. This makes kids learn to suppress their negative emotions and never let them out, leaving them unable to learn from or control them, which can lead to overthinking.
– Southwest High School, 12th Grade, Imperial Count
I wish my parents knew how I felt when my friends didn’t text me back. Feeling forgotten made me feel like I was fading away.
– Southwest High School, 10th Grade, Imperial County
My entry shows what it feels like when someone compares you to a sibling or a friend – it makes you feel low, as if you are worth less than the person you are being compared to.
– Landmark Middle School, 8th grade, Riverside County
My short video portrays the complex relationship I have with my parents as a transgender teenager. […] The end poem is a direct call out to the fact that my parents fully know that I’m trans, yet every time it is brought up in a conversation, they act as if it’s their first time hearing it. […] The film is an invitation to a party that I’ve planned for too long – one that only my parents are invited to.
– Landmark Middle School, 8th grade, Riverside County
We wanted to amplify the voices of young people on significant issues like mental health. Our aim was to create a meaningful connection between students’ experiences and adults’ understanding. In creating the film, we focused on capturing diverse viewpoints with sensitivity and authenticity.
– Buena Park High School, 10th grade, Orange Countyy
I wish parents knew how much we miss the past memories with them, because as I get older, I don’t get to experience how that time made me feel. Sometimes I could use a little bit of that feeling, and I miss it.
– Claremont High School, 10th Grade, Tri-City
Life is full of experiences and opportunities which can sometimes become overwhelming. Days can get blurred, and nights come and go without you realizing how fast time is passing by. […] What I wish my parents and other adults knew is that it is overwhelming to feel you can’t do everything you want in the time we have, and that sometimes a break from the spin is needed.
– Claremont High School, 10th Grade, Tri-City
Every day almost feels the same, especially when you are supposed to be a top student and feel obligated to get everything done perfectly. When I’m working endlessly until the day is over, my window serves as a reminder of how much I miss those days when I had time to go outside, go biking, and hang out with family instead of being in my room constantly.
– Southwest High School, 12th grade, Imperial County
It’s natural for parents to think a behavior change is normal, “just a phase,” and will pass, but if you sense something is wrong, trust your instincts. Find the words to have an open and direct conversation with your child and reach out for help when needed.
Q & A
How do you know when it’s time to worry?
Ask yourself these questions. If you answer yes to one or more of the questions, have a conversation with your child or a youth in your care, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss or change.
What do I do if my child is thinking about suicide?
1. Remain Calm.
If your teen shares that they are thinking about suicide, take it seriously. Remain calm. Thank them for their honesty. Encourage them to talk about the reasons they feel this way and listen.
Say, “I’m sorry you are in this much pain. Let’s see what we can do to figure this out. I want to be helpful. Let’s get help and learn more together.”
Ask them if they have a plan for how and when to die by suicide. You won’t be planting any ideas if they’ve already thought about how they may do it. The goal is to find out how far along the teen is in the process to help parents and caregivers know what they can do to create a safe environment.
Ask if they intend to follow through with their plans. Are the thoughts intrusive thoughts or do they intend to hurt themselves?
2. Consider the Next Steps.
A youth who is having thoughts about suicide, especially if they have a plan, should be evaluated by a mental health professional with training in suicide prevention. Next steps include calling the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, a mental health professional, or your family doctor as soon as possible. Your child’s school can also provide a variety of supports and help keep your child safe.
3. Plan for Safety.
If you are concerned about your youth, especially if they are showing warning signs of suicide, make safety a priority. Remove weapons from the home and securely store medications. Visit www.strivingforsafety.org to learn about means safety strategies.
Make sure your child’s mental health professional completes a safety plan and ask them to share it with you (and to be part of the safety plan), which usually includes coping strategies and people and places to call when they are in emotional pain or in a crisis. One resource is the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline which can be reached by calling or texting 988.
4. Healing Takes Time.
If your youth is undergoing mental health treatment, or treatment after a suicide attempt, remind them that recovery takes time, and they may not feel better right away. Urge them to take it a little easier and not expect them to return to all their usual responsibilities right away. It can help to create a network of trusted friends and family as support for your youth.
How do I talk to my teen about suicide?
The most important thing parents and caregivers can do is to create the time and space to have meaningful conversations with a young person in their care, on their schedule.
DO:
Find a place and time when your teen wants to talk. This could be in the car, after watching a movie, or late at night.
At any time when your teen is ready to share something, do your best to make that time work for you. Communicate through words and actions that they are never a bother.
Be prepared to listen and empathize even if you don’t understand.
Trust your instincts. Ask directly about thoughts of suicide: Have you ever felt bad enough that you’ve though of hurting yourself or ending you life?”
DON’T
Don’t invalidate their feelings. Often people can’t help that they’re having these thoughts and need someone to help them process them. Validate their feelings instead.
Don’t try to “just focus on the positive.” Leave room for negative emotions.
Don’t steer the conversation immediately toward problem-solving. Although this may be tempting, what teens need is for someone to listen, and to feel heard, understood and validated.
“I’m not a psychologist or a mental health expert. I’m a guy who lost his son and spent the last year and a half trying to figure out why. But I do know this: If we foster emotional connections with our children, tell our stories and acknowledge our kids’ mental health, we can make critical changes.” Jason Reid is an entrepreneur, filmmaker and youth mental health advocate who lost is 14 year old son Ryan to suicide. Read his full story on the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) blog: How to Talk to Your Teen About Suicide.
“As I’m growing up and becoming more independent, I’ve struggled with being overwhelmed by school, my commitments, and my busy schedule. I know my parents want to help me but don’t always know how. I want them to know that because of all the things they have taught me and the values they have instilled in me, I don’t necessarily need them to do things for me, hold my hand through everything, and physically fix my problems for me. However, sometimes what would help me the most is for them to listen and understand. Sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed, I just want them to let me know that I’m on the right path and that they are proud of me.” Youth Hope & Justice Participant, 2024
What if my child says “No, I am not thinking about suicide,” but I still have concerns?
Let them know you are there for them. Listen without lecturing or judgment. Be vigilant about the behaviors you are noticing and continue to check in with your child or a child in your care on a regular basis.
Encourage them to reach out to resources such as Teen Line, where they can talk to other youth about things that might be troubling them.
TEEN LINE
- Call 310.855.4673 (6 p.m. to 10 p.m. daily) or text TEEN to 839863 (6 p.m. to 9 p.m. daily)
Find Additional Resources here.
How can I support the mental health of a child in my care?
Whether or not you have specific concerns about suicide risk, there are things you can do as a parent or caregiver to build protective factors that can help youth cope with stressful events and emotional pain.
Foster Positive Connections. Encourage your child to have and maintain connections with friends and loved ones and to participate in activities that they enjoy. If they refuse to socialize, don’t force them. Spend extra time with them; even watching a movie together signals that you are there for them. It’s also great for a child to have additional adult mentors besides their parents. Talk to your child about who their reliable adults are. Who else can they speak to?
Promote Healthy Emotional Skills. As much as we would like to protect our child from them, stressful situations and problems are a part of life. Helping your youth cope with emotions such as stress, anger, and sadness can build their resiliency when problems occur.
Encourage Exercise. Physical exercise produces changes in the body that can help reduce stress and depression. Activities such as yoga and mindfulness can be especially helpful for anxious and distracted youth.
Where can parents find support?
Parental Stress Line | 1-800-632-8188
The Parental Stress Line is a confidential, 24/7 hotline for parents who would like to speak to a trained volunteer counselor about issues related to their children. Counselors provide non-judgmental support, referrals, and crisis intervention.
Teen Line | www.TeenLine.org
Teen Line is a teen-to-teen hotline where teens can call, text or email about anything they are struggling with. Teens can call 1-800-852-8336 from 6 PM–10 PM PT (After hours, you’ll be redirected to 988) or text TEEN to 839863 from 6 PM–9 PM PT. Teen Line also offers a blog for parents and caregivers about topics such as improving communication with your teen, suicide prevention and the perils of “overparenting.”
BrightLife Kids | www.HelloBrightLine.com/BrightLifeKids
BrightLife Kids offers free coaching and mental health support for California parents, caregivers, and children (up to age 12). Coaches are bilingual in English/Spanish and work in LGBTQ+ and BIPOC communities. Video and chat are both available, and no insurance is required to access the service.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention | www.AFSP.org
AFSP is dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide, including those who have experienced a loss. Visit their website to find local chapters in your community, support groups for survivors of suicide loss, and a wealth of opportunities to get involved in local suicide prevention events and activities.
Raising Healthy Teens – Parent Handbooks | www.RaisingHealthyTeens.org
These Parent Handbooks offer facts, tips, and conversation starters for parents to have conversations about mental health and substance use with their teens.
Middle School Parent Handbook, High School Parent Handbook, Spanish Handbook
Talk + Play = Connect – Toolkit for Families | www.YoloKids.org
The Talk + Play = Connect toolkit includes helpful suggestions for engaging in play and conversations with toddlers and school-aged kids, as well as tips for bonding with teenagers.
English Toolkit, Spanish Toolkit, Russian Toolkit
Family Guide to Supporting Young People’s Mental Health | Download the guide here.
The Family Guide to Supporting Young People’s Mental Health and Well-Being was developed for families of youth grades K-12 and offers practical tips. The guide was created by Project Cal-Well, a mental health initiative led by the California Department of Education.
Child Mind Institute | www.childmind.org/resources
Parents and caregivers interested in learning more about specific mental health concerns can visit the Family Resource Center from the Child Mind Institute. The website includes parenting guides as well as articles about topics such as screen time and self-esteem.
How do I support a child in my care, or myself, after the loss of a friend or loved one to suicide?
Understanding Why. While it is natural to ask “Why?”, we may never know the answers to this question. Suicide involves complex factors and is not the result of a single event. Those who die are usually seeking to end unbearable psychological pain that may have been apparent or hidden and not shared. A point was reached where the pain was greater than the person’s resources to tolerate it or to see other solutions. Reassure your child that they are not to blame.
Healing Through Shared Experience. Many people who have lost someone to suicide are helped by connecting with others who have been through this experience. Reaching out to a suicide loss support program can alleviate the isolation that many survivors of suicide loss may experience, and the shared experience and wisdom of others can offer hope through this experience. Ask about groups specific for teens, siblings, or parents.
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: www.afsp.org
Talking to a Child About Suicide. It may seem gentler to avoid the conversation or to conceal the actual cause of death, but more often than not children understand more than we realize. It is important to have a conversation that is age-appropriate but also honest to avoid undermining their trust and potentially creating a legacy of shame and secrecy that can persist for years. Children grieve differently from adults and may have a different understanding of permanence.
Additional Resources:
Friends for Survival: Friends for Survival offers support for those bereaved by a suicide death. Call (916) 392-0664 or visit www.friendsforsurvival.org